With just a few more days to the end of my december holidays, I have yet to touch ANY of my holiday assignments and became, instead, addicted to my new experiment on photoshop. Great timing, yeah?


I've recently became in love with making vector abstracts using C4D renders. So yup, do look out for more of my vector abstracts. ^_^ I'm learning as I go along.

So... I wouldn't begin on how dreadfully horrendous and absolutely mortifying (on my brain cells that is) it was the past 3 weeks.

Yes my dear, I am ACTUALLY capable of studying. This statement would otherwise seem appalling for a 24/7 anime freak who spends her waking hours staring at her dysfunctional soon-to-be cracked Windows 98. (Though I'd really like to quip in that Kanda Yuu looks awfully gorgeous on my desktop, no matter so carry on...)

So yes where was I? Ah yes, I remotely (because half my sanity refused to believe that I actually studied for 3 weeks) remembered the furious scribbling/annotation/memorizing (0h it was awful!) on my part of the studying process, my brain melted.

I was on the brink of giving up everything I've worked on for the past few months.

Loads of things happened recently, bad ones supercedes the good unfortunately, though I'm highly thankful that it's all over and I can happily resume my process of achieving greater enlightenment through my beautiful anime shows....

WHICH brings me to my next point: D GRAY MAN HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED!! OH THE INSANITY OF IT ALL!

I swear the world has turned topsy-turvy this time round - I'm not going to forgive anyone. EVER.

I cried (like what any obsessed DGM fan would do) a.k.a my version of mourning over the loss of my dearly departed a.k.a D Gray Man. And my mom was one hella lot of help...

Mom: I thought you didn't like the show?
Me: How is that even humanly possible?
Mom (scruntinizing brows): The first time it aired on arts central you said 'what on earth is this? how can they just discontinue Inuyasha for this @!%^(*?!'
Me: That was before I saw Kanda.
Mom (disapproving look): So now you like the show? Aiya...tch tch...
Me (yelling): Hey, watching the show before and after Kanda's appearance made a hella lot of difference ok?!

So there you have it. A short reenactment of yesterday's dinner.

THANKFULLY... it has been said that D Gray Man is merely taking a short 5 months break, so whew! Cheers for the 2nd season next year!

So, to sum up the last 2 days of my self-given holiday before studying-hard day proceeds, I have been watching more yaoi/shounen-ai anime. And my god, I have to say, Ai No Kusabi was one of the best anime(yes, anime as a whole) I've ever watched in my entire lifetime (not that I'm saying it's a lot but I have had my fair share of anime).

*WARNING* Yaoi (boy on boy). Don't hate me for reading on.

Ai No Kusabi: The plot revolves around a High Class Blondie, under caste system and a relatively totalitarian society, goes against class social norms by keeping a pet (his lover, in other words) for more than 3 years. A pet was supposedly a slave to their master (yes, a Seme and a Uke thingy), and yet Isson loved Riki beyond comprehension. He even lost both his legs to an explosion in order to save Riki.

I actually cried twice.

For Yaoi fans, go watch it if you haven't. I highly recommend it. xD Not for the faint hearted though. You might need a tissue box by your side.

So yes where was I? Ah yes, after much tears for that tragic couple, I safely pronounce that I'm back to writing my yaoi fanfiction again. So kudos for my returning muse! And thank you Ai No Kusabi!

I shall not rant for doing so would be a complete humiliation to my dignity (or what's left of it).

THIS is not my usual rambles (get that straight please), THIS is merely another form of...outwardly and explicit personal expression in a desperate attempt to sound ridiculously sane and rational. So forgive me if this ridiculous entry of mine bores you.

I was watching Jigoku Shoujo (Hell Girl) on Arts Central last night and the plot really forced me to reassess my current situation. For one, the protagonist and the 2nd main character (for that episode) were tired of putting up a veneer of enthusiasm and content with life.

I am somewhat similar or remotely (whichever you choose) to that nerves of weary. I've been going on and on about how tired I am with life...when the source of frustration is actually thyself. Ridiculous no?

Somehow, in this Dog-Eat-Dog world, there's little point in playing a good person or being one for that matter, it just doesn't pay to be nice. Do I sound like another one of those Primary 5 kids? I bet I do. But I feel the need to reinforce and reiterate those statements now that I have a clearer picture of this blatantly dystopian context of OUR everyday life. (I'm not being pessimistic or sadistic, but I suggest you keep an open ear to your 'friends'.) It's not surprising one or two might just be the hypocrites I'm mentioning.

Oh well, the joys of having friends.

It's quite sad actually.

But kudos to having a true and utmost reliable good buddies aka my pen, paper, computer and Microsoft Word. I love you guys.

There is and will forever be a thin line between love and hate. No matter how clichéd and intellectually this proverb has been driven across by generations and generations of wise men, the truth that resounds from its last syllabus has to be put forth by yours truly. I wouldn’t exactly call myself wise or anything remotely similar to that definition, but I can certainly entitle myself a guru in perceptive emotions, in other words, an emotional wreck.

And since, this proverb has set the stage of expulsion in affairs of the heart, I would like to simply narrow down the insurmountable definition to the ambiguous line between choosing not to/to care and simply not caring/care.

I have chosen, as my sub-conscience puts it rather simply, not to care. Not to be too emotionally and physically, for any matter, involved in the tangled mess of emotions I call friendship. It’s anything but pessimistic in my definition, and yet, it rings certain truth in it no? 9 people, 9 different emotions that swirls, twists and distorts into another 9 different emotions during a change of event or simply during the entire course of surging temperamental.

There came a point in time, when this surging rage of metaphoric chaos wears out time and I became simply too tired, too lethargic to lift a finger.

Perhaps I do not wish to care? No. Saying that has an ultimate reversal in meaning to the former. It is not, I can’t stress this enough, which I do not care. Reality makes it rather, if I could incongruously put it in myself, improbable not to care. It is your choice. Your decision.

And saying that, I have chosen not to care.

I’m tired.

And that’s all I can say.